“So long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat,

“if you only – walk long enough.”

She’s not always going to say the kind of things you want to hear. Most of the time, she’ll curl your sideburns with her remarkable, flat statements and her embarrassing ques­tions. But now and then she’ll say something so special and splendid it will make you feel like singing. You may need an example. Scene: Coffee shop. You’ve just gotten up the courage to tell her you love her, but before you can say it, she looks at you with wide-open, guileless blue eyes-or forthright, steady brown ones- and asks you curiously, “How do you feel about being so short? Does it make you neurotic or anything?” While you’re gulping, trying manfully to recover, she’ll add, “You shouldn’t care about it. Lots of men were short. Like Napoleon. And Fiorello LaGuardia.” That’s almost adding insult to injury, but before you get a chance to walk out, thinking no woman ever deserved such ungallant treatment more, shell muse dreamily, “I hate men who look like bean poles. You’re perfect. I noticed when we were walking over here tonight-we measure just right together.”

Sit back down. You’re staying. For a long time. A friendly, frank Sagittarius girl has just wound herself around your heart with her own, peculiar brand of charm. She’ll always be a little outspoken, because she sees the world exactly as it is, even while she’s wearing those ridiculous, rose-tinted glasses. That, you must admit, is quite a talent. It’s not everyone who can apply clear, reasonable logic to every situation, and retain the happy faculty of believing things will get better or else deciding to accept them or what they are.

Sagittarius females are regular Pollyannas. It will cut when she tells you she wishes you would make more money, but then she’ll add, “Of course, too much money can make people selfish. Maybe it’s lucky that you’re poor.” Admittedly, it’s sort of a left-handed optimism, but you’ll get used to it. This girl will never lie to you. Some­times, you may wish she would. Show curiosity about how she spends the nights you’re not with her, and you’ll get a detailed, perfectly honest report of the letters she writes to that handsome intern she met last summer on her vacation and how many dates she turns down on the phone. She may even relate her troubles with insomnia, brought on when she lies awake at night wondering if maybe what she feels for you is friendship instead of love. You’ll feel like yelling at her, “For Pete’s sake, lie a little once in a while, can’t you? A man has his pride.” Don’t yell too loud. You’ll offend her, and she’s not exactly noncombustible herself. Sagittarius girls have been known to fly into some pretty fiery rages.

She will probably live alone. Sagittarius girls are very independent, and both sexes have a strange aloofness to family ties. Maybe it’s because they travel so much, they don’t get home often enough to get to know their families well. Even if they only travel to the movies and girl friends’ houses, they’re restlessly on the go. I don’t want to frighten you, but I once knew a Sagittarius woman so unaware of the nuances of family relationships that she invited her rejected beau to come along on her honeymoon with her new husband. The poor thing looked so lonesome. He said he’d pay his own way. Why are you looking at her like that? Did she do something wrong?

There’s one thing you’ll have to learn right away, or the relationship will never get off the ground. When you want her to do something, ask her. Don’t tell her. The cave man technique went out with Tarzan and Jane, as far as she’s concerned. She enjoys being protected, but she doesn’t want to be ordered around. Not even her mother gets away with that. Who are you, that you should top her mother? She may have an Aries mother, and if a Mars woman can’t boss her around, no male on earth is going to do it. However, there’s a queer twist to her nature. Although she dislikes being bossed, especially in public, when she’s testing you for firmness, be firm. Jupiter women can’t stand weak, wishy-washy men. If she gets too high-spirited and her clever tongue gets too sarcastic, or she threatens some action that really incenses you, give her a light touch of the Tarzan treatment. Just enough to keep her in line. Like “You do that and I’ll break your neck.” She may react with surprising meekness if she thinks you’re serious. A Sagittarius female has no in-tendon of giving up her individuality for any male, but she kind of likes to know you think of her as a girl.

She may confuse you, but that’s nothing to what she does to herself. Many a Sagittarius girl mistakes friendship for love and love for friendship. If you’re one of those old fashioned men who prefer evasiveness and timidity in your i women, you’d better look for another Bingo partner. This young lady has bright, frank ways with men, and she’s not going to play any silly games of “Guess how I feel” or “Guess what I think!” How she feels and what she thinks are identical with how she acts and what she says. Her outspoken bluntness naturally causes misunderstand­ings, and a good share of fiery battles, let alone hurt feel­ings, but it doesn’t crush her spirit. Jupiter pride comes to the surface and rescues her in a crisis, allowing her to pass off her heartache as the biggest joke of the season. Inside, she may be weeping, but she’ll employ such clever wit in answering the questions of friends about the break that they’ll decide the whole affair was a harmless flirtation on her part. Little will they guess how she soaks her pillow every night, wondering what she could possibly have said that fractured everything. It might have been when she told him not to stop by her apartment the time he called from the lobby around midnight-because she was “busy talking with a man who had a few problems.” Actually, the man was her brother-in-law, but with the peculiar Sagit­tarius twist of leaving out the core of the story, she neg­lected to mention that. Why should she have to explain herself? (All Sagittarians show a raging, righteous anger when their integrity is doubted.) Or it could have been when he asked her if she minded him bringing his little sister along to the movies and she blurted out, “Gosh, I hope that doesn’t mean she’s going to be hanging around all the time when we’re married.” She may have sincerely liked the young girl, but the natural Sagittarian fear of being suffocated by in-laws brought on her thoughtless and forthright statement. Now she misses his sister as much as the man, but it’s too late to explain what she meant. Besides, no one would understand.

Impasses like this are impossible for her to fathom, for all her logical mental processes, and often lead the Jupiter girl into a never-never land of romance, not knowing where the fire might flame up, or why, and afraid of being burned when it does. Then she’ll play it too cool and be unable to take anyone seriously, least of all herself. She’ll flirt openly, but without any intention of making it a lasting or a forever thing, and gain the reputation of a cold heartless female. A fire sign is never cold or heartless, but then there are a lot of astrologically ignorant men out there who don’t know that. If such a state of affairs should happen to lead to spinsterhood, she certainly won’t be a dry and bitter old maid. She’ll still clown with life and have a barrel of fun. She’ll have a dozen interests to replace a man – and enjoy every one of them.

Of course, you’re not interested in a Sagittarian spinster. You plan to make one your wife someday. (At least, I hope you have honorable intentions. This poor girl has enough problems without you setting out to seduce her.) Let’s stop dwelling on promiscuity, and think about mar­riage. Like the male Sagittarian, she’s a little skittish about wedlock. You’ll need to use some bright, colorful pieces of tinsel as bait to get her pinned down (to accepting your proposal, that is). She’s breezy and unconventional in her relationships with men. Since she considers herself your equal, she may copy your mannerisms, as well as wear your sweater. If she also likes sports and camping, as lots of Sagittarian females do, you may have trouble dis­tinguishing her from the boys. But she’s not the same. For one thing, your sweater looks different on her. Not that Jupiter women are offensively masculine by nature. They can be the softest, most feminine women you ever squeezed. It’s just that she pals around with so many men you get used to seeing her in the crowd – everywhere but in the steam room and the gym. Since she’s so scrupulously hon­est and aboveboard, she may be a little careless of her reputation and contemptuous of the hypocrisy demanded by society. If you question her about it, she’ll be plain-spoken. She’ll probably tell you that waltzing in at mid­night doesn’t indicate promiscuity any more than coming home at a more conventional hour indicates innocence. She knows her morals are above reproach, and that’s all that matters. Naturally she’s dead wrong. What other people think matters very much to a female reputation. But try to understand her attitude. Don’t think she’s fast and loose just because she laughs at a few jokes, usually with­out the slightest idea of what they’re all about (the sub­tlety of the double entendre often escapes Sagittarius). So she stays up to watch the sunrise from the George Wash­ington Bridge (or from the top of a silo, if you live in the country) but that doesn’t mean she’s the wildest girl in town.

The truth is, she’s a trusting child at heart. Her outlook is so naive it makes her vulnerable to wolves, con artists and phonies (though oddly enough, not in other areas, just in romance). Forget about how cleverly she argues and how startlingly logical she can be. All that has nothing to do with her heart. Her mind isn’t under discussion. It’s bright and intelligent, and well able to take care of itself in any emergency. But her heart is defenseless. It falls down and gets bruised quite often.

There’s another thing. She’s slightly clumsy. At times when the Sagittarius girl strides down the street like a thoroughbred horse, you’ll think she’s the most graceful woman you’ve ever watched-until she stumbles on a crack in the sidewalk, awkwardly grabs the awning over the fruit stand to catch her balance and upsets two crates of oranges. The owner may swear a little, but hell soon shrug his shoulders, tell her to skip it, and hand her some grapes. The sunny Sagittarian disposition can melt the hardest hearts. Now and then, this girl will remind you of a clumsy puppy dog, wagging its friendly tail, and walking all over your feet. But then friendly puppy dogs do get lots of people to love them and feed them. Of course, dogs are a little cheaper to feed. The typical Jupiter girl has a large appetite. She likes good food and wine, nice clothes, and when she travels, she likes to go first class. Sagittarians are extravagant by nature (unless the Moon is in Capricorn or there’s a Virgo ascendant). Money for the sake of money doesn’t interest them, and it takes quite a bit of training to teach most of them the meaning of a dollar bill. Check her ascendant carefully before you loan her your credit card.

The Sagittarian girl you’re involved with may be in show business, because lots of them are drawn by the lure of the footlights. If so, start out on the right foot by expecting her to put her career first, until she tires of it. The sweet sound of applause and the thrill of the encore will ring in her ears with more conviction than all the ro­mantic phrases you can conjure up. Never force her to choose between pleasing you and the excitement of pleasing whole gobs of people at once with her sunshine personality. After a while she’ll grow disgusted with the hypocrisy and artificial glitter she finds all around her in the world of show business, and she’ll come running home to try do­mesticity with someone who is real. You. Someone who believes honesty is beautiful and deception is ugly. You again. Leaving a career won’t remove the wings from her heels forever. They were fastened there at birth. The travel bug will always be nearby to give her a case of wandering fever. Vacation with her when you can; otherwise let her go off to ride the carousel herself, and trust her. She loves you, not the clowns and organ grinders she likes to pass the time with.

Because of her casual attitude toward romance and her shyness of marriage, you may think she’s lacking in senti­ment. You are so mistaken. She’ll cry rivers at sad movies and read poetry with wet eyes. She’s probably saved every note you ever wrote her, scraps of the flowers you bought her in the rain, and the tickets from the hockey game where she met you.

As for her talent as a homemaker, be brave. And be patient. Sagittarius girls are acutely bored by the confine­ment of dusting and mopping. No sooner does she make a bed than it gets unmade. Gosh, you’d think the darned thing would stay neat for a few days anyway, it was such a drag tucking in those sheets at the corners. She’ll hate it all with a purple passion. When she has a home of her own, however, she’ll probably swallow her distaste. She’ll prefer that you get her a maid if you can possibly afford one. If not, she’ll doggedly keep it shining Her mother will never believe it. That sloppy child waxing the coffee table? Impossible. Pride and the eternal Sagittarius logic does it. She needs to be surrounded with beauty and cleanliness to be true to herself. The message reaches her that, if she doesn’t wipe up the linoleum, no one else will. If she was forced by circumstances to do a lot of chores in childhood, she may rebel at first, but she’ll eventually reason it out, and settle down to sweeping the comers with a minimum of resentment.

Her cooking? Well – you can never tell. Maybe you’d just better eat out on weekends. If she manages decent meals through the week, you can’t expect her to keep a per­fect record on Saturdays and Sundays, too. Most Sagittarian women aren’t exactly ecstatic in the kitchen (unless there’s a Taurus, Cancer or Capricorn ascendant). But she can whip up a mean, fancy dessert when she’s trying to cheer you out of the blues.

Her own moods can be terrors, but they’re rare, and they last so briefly you’ll hardly notice them. When she’s really hurt, her tongue can be bitterly sarcastic. But she’ll forget what she said almost before she’s finished the sentence, and she won’t under­stand why you want to dwell on it. This is not the woman for a brooding, melancholy man. Gloom and pessimism, can actually make her physically ill.

Her children will probably adore her. Shell be their buddy, and have a circus playing with them. Once she’s lover her initial fear of responsibility, she’ll cope with diapers and daily baths like a crisp, efficient nurse. Almost everything she does she does well, with grace, when she finally decides to learn it. Just like the big people, the little ones will get a good dose of her cheerful optimism and outspoken remarks. If they survive her blunt truthfulness,  they’ll grow up thinking she’s the greatest big sister a kid ever had. She’ll read them funny stories with happy endings, and take them on sudden, impulsive picnics in the woods to look for the three bears. (She half believes they’re hiding there herself.) Her youngsters will probably be well-dressed, but not fussily so, and bright-mannered. If they pick up a few unconventional tricks from her, like making footprint curtains by spreading monk’s cloth on the floor, stepping barefoot into yellow paint and walking across the material-at least you won’t be raising a houseful of conformists. Her honesty will mark their characters. If they don’t find those three bears after a careful search under all the fir trees, she’ll probably tell them to forget it – it’s a phony. But she will have looked first. The child who wrote the editor of the New York Sun to ask if there was really a Santa Claus just had to have a Sagittarius Sun sign. Moon or ascendant. She probably raised her own children by the frank, yet idealistic answer of “Yes, Vir­ginia . . .” The Jupiter mother may have to watch a tendency to be lax in discipline, except when she’s tired or angry. That’s the wrong time for spankings.

You’ll have a lovely hostess. No one entertains as gra­ciously as a Sagittarian woman, not even her Leo sisters, who are no slouches themselves in the social department. There’s a quality about her sunny, outgoing friendliness that makes people feel deeply welcome, from the garbage man to your boss. A Sagittarian breaks the ice instantly at the stiffest affairs, though she may raise a few eyebrows, too. As long as you let her call her soul her own, and don’t make her feel tied down, your Sagittarius Pollyanna will give you a triple bonus: her loyalty, her trust and her affection. The three are inseparable, because when she gives her love, her friendship trots right along beside it. The Jupiter woman is an incurable idealist.

And here’s a secret perhaps she never told you: She fell in love with you many years ago, when she was a little girl and wished on the new Moon for someone to share her honest heart. There were lots of times when she thought she had found you and was disappointed. But when you finally came along, she knew you right away, because you were a gentle clown with a dream or two of your own who took her hand and showed her the way to the stars.

(Source: http://mizian.com.ne.kr/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/sagittarius.htm#_Toc6672035)

2010 was a year that didn’t exactly went smoothly for me. Though a quiet year, my worklife was a pretty bad year. It left me completely enervated. I still haven’t recovered from the chaos in 2010 – I’m still feeling slightly jaded and have not much vitality to go through the days of 2011 yet. At this point, I guess I will sit aside and cease my relentless participation in everything until I’ve fully recuperated.

2010 was also a year where I made some resolutions came true. I am still in the same company – kudos to that, I guess? I hope this mean the impatient me is finally learning to be patient, and I’m understanding the need to be responsible for my own life. Nevertheless, staying on the job really made the whole of 2010 dissatisfying. There were much politics and I have to admit, I was affected – I know many may be shocked..Ginny affected? But hey, I’m only human. Not complaining doesn’t mean everything’s ok. I just don’t bitch about it because work is work, being unhappy is not uncommon – it is all part and parcel of life. So yes, I was and still am affected.

2010 was also a year I enjoyed alot of ‘me’ time. I didn’t see anyone out of interest, nor did I went out on a single date. My time was spent going out to random places I’ve never been before with friends, and doing other little things I have learnt to enjoy in life. Once upon a time I believed that a weekend wouldn’t be fun if it wasn’t filled with partying, dancing, drinking the night away, and sometimes, ending up in some other random’s person bed. But I gather, once you start to open yourself up to different experiences, you’ll find a thousand and one other activities that are just as fun as, and maybe even more fun than, partying.

2010 was also a time that made me completely lose myself. I’ve forgotten what life is about. I swallowed my priorities and allowed my soul to be stifled by the unsettling pressure of work, submerging myself in the game of hierarchy and capitalism. I’m attempting not to travel life’s journey in a haste now. I’m still trying. 95% of me is still caught up in the overbearing society that places the irrational need to climb the ladder high with much regards.

My resolutions for 2011? To spend more time with my parents, lose 10kg (Lol! Forever!), spend lesser on shopping, heighten or at the very least, maintain what’s left in the real me. Lastly, maybe…just maybe, to find someone that I’ll really appreciate – I don’t believe in asking or hoping for it because people naturally do; it’s just to what extend of your own expectation.

I’m not hopeful for 2011 to be good, I’m too jaded to be. But I’ll use my largest attempt to make things alright.

Because it’s January. It’s 2011.

Happy New Year.

I was window shopping in DFS Galleria last Friday with Joanna and my heart almost dropped when I stepped into Loewe’s boutique.

Then, I went to Prada to look at that bag I’ve been aiming for since beginning of this year.

Then, I started to think about that Balenciaga bag Zhong Yu’s friend wants to sell to me.

How? I am absolutely heartbroken right now because I am so damn broke. Zhong Yu is really a bad influence on me, as much as I am to her – she just bought a TarryTown Kate Spade. Oh yes, it’s a cheap brand but we’re really lovers of timeless classics. As long as it is genuine leather and it can take us to ten years down the road, we don’t mind. Oh yes, both of us wince at the thought of Gucci – the canvas ones.

For now, I’ll dream about walking down the streets of Orchard in Louboutins with a Breitling enclasped on my wrist accompanied with a Hermes handle an inch away from it.

Apart from being materialistic, I’ve been feeling awfully unattractive of late. I look like a wanton, in all my dresses. I’d prefer going back to a size 6 of TopShop and a XXS of Mango. I’m frantically searching for my old self, I’m desperate. I’m giving myself 6 months from today. Wish me luck and sprinkle that bit of discipline in me, by the constant reminders that I’m on a bloody diet.

A classic case of case one (when I really want a purchase but had nothing eventually), was last Saturday. I went downtown to meet girl friend Hui at Zara to do some serious shopping (get this – serious shopping, because I really wanted a purchase). I seldom step out of Zara with less than four purchases. Last Saturday added on to the percentage of ‘seldom-step-out-of-Zara-with-less-than-four-purchases’. Because, I got nothing. ZERO. ZILCH. NADA.

This season is very disappointing. I cringed the moment I set foot in the store. You know the collection’s bad when there’s barely anyone in store.

But I guess it’s good in a way. I’m so broke it’s not even funny now. So I guess I have to suspend all shopping activities till next month. Or the month after. But being broke and having an almost depleted bank account balance didn’t stop me from getting a pair of very expensive evening peeper shoes. But then, that’s another story…

PS: I’m a very, very, very happy girl because Mark got me a Kate Spades bag from the States as a souvenir!

Push me to the extreme, make me churn my muscles and harden them, make me exhausted, all the way till my mind and body and soul screams for mercy as I collapse into my bed for a dreamless sleep. Make me never wake up till I’m supposed to.

I want to be young and reckless again, blinded and careless.

Can I hold this out? I’m not sure. I’m tempted, and I’m craving to be led astray all over again.

I’ve so much on my mind. I’m sorry I’m not a hopeless romantic and I’m sorry that though I do know that you can’t hold a relationship at its ends and expect it to materialise into something true and long-lasting, I can’t stay on to try and wait because I see a greater need to invest in Louboutins and Hermes right now, achieved all by myself.

Of course, it is a waste. A big fucking waste. And many would deem me foolish for pushing out something that will definitely work. But love isn’t love till you risk it – and I never felt any need to sacrifice or take any risks.

Two rejections of proposal and still hanging on and not letting him go, and countless of pushing him to the limit with him always returning, and replies of thanks whenever the word love was mentioned – I never reciprocated.

Yes, I’m no longer holding on to M. I’ve let him go – I’ve finally ceased the unfairness towards him, the interminable rounds of going back to him whenever I was lonely just because I know he would always be there.

And I can’t swallow the fact I’ve really let him go.

So, I took a bus from my workplace and alighted at Suntec to meet Evelyn for dinner. Took a cab home – I was just too tired to take a bus. I spoke a little to the taxi driver. The conversation left me speechless.

We talked about marriage and agreed that marriage is really a lifelong investment, where emotions and finances are betted on heavily. He asked for my age and I told him. He remained silent for a minute or two.

Suddenly… (not actual quote, but somewhere along this line)

Taxi driver: “You fell in love once, didn’t you? He was your classmate when you went overseas to study. You studied overseas right? You cried day and night and asked yourself what happened and heavily berated yourself when things didn’t work out.”

Me: “What? What did you say?”

Taxi driver: “Yes, you only fell in love once in your whole life. No more than that. I’m glad you’re over it. It’s pointless to think about it. Enough of those interminable thoughts during the year after he decided to end the entanglement.”

Me: “Huh? How do you know?”

Taxi driver: “I calculated. I know who you are. You are a very arrogant woman. You do not give a damn to guys around you and you never take them seriously when they profess their feelings. Maybe, you should start believing in love. Never believe in once bitten, twice shy. So many out there who like you. Just try. I won’t say they are the ones, but you gain great experience.”

Me: “I don’t! I go out on dates. It’s just that…they never work out.”

Taxi driver: “Because you draw a very clear line. You never allow them in your life. It’s always only friends to you. You really expect alot. Don’t. Nothing’s perfect. The perfect guy you have in your mind may not be perfect for you.”

Me: “Huh? How do you know?”

Taxi driver: “I told you, I calculated. You’re a morning child – you’re born slightly after midnight. Very temperamental, but your temper goes off in a split second. Very career oriented. You want to climb the ladder fast. You will. You’re a very smart lady.”

Me: “So my career will be alright?”

Taxi driver: “Better than ok, I would say. You work for branded stuff. Why do women love branded stuff so much? I don’t understand.”

Me: “Ah, yes. I’m an addict to luxurious brands. Better than ok, my career? I’m glad to hear that. Marriage? Will I ever fall in love again or will I end up single for my whole life?”

Taxi driver: “Just don’t keep that guy hanging. I think you know who he is. He has been waiting and you know it. Don’t keep him just because he meets your expectations. You know you’ll never fall for him.”

Me: “Sigh. I know. I know. But he’s just…too perfect. He’s like that portrait of my deemed perfect guy I’ve painted in my indulgent mind.”

Taxi driver: “There’s someone else around you know? There’s someone else who likes you alot. You haven’t noticed him and you never will. Like all other guys, you see him as a friend.”

Me: “Ok. Which probably means he isn’t the one as well.”

Taxi driver: “Oh, he’ll tell you. And you’ll get together with him. But you’ll never love him. He won’t be the one. The next one after him will.”

Me: “When will that be?”

Taxi driver: “Patience. Patience will take you there.”

Me: “Ok. Turn right. Stop at XXX (block number).”

Taxi driver: “It’s $17.60. $7.60 will do.”

Me: “No. I enjoyed talking to you. Here’s $20.”

Taxi driver: “Thank you so much. Don’t take my words seriously. I don’t want you to block your life.”

Me: “No. Thank you. I’m feeling enlightened.”

Taxi driver: “A note to you, the right one in your life will not meet your perfection. But he’s great for you.”

There’s still so much more but I’m too speechless to continue. He read my past like a novel – just that everything was true.

And I realise, I never learn. I probably will not in my life. I’ve no way, I wouldn’t give my heart – it’s useless to when you know it isn’t worth it. I don’t know…I may, when the right one comes along. And I know it will be good.

Ahh, how contradicting can I get?