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August 6, 2009, 1:04 am
Filed under: Blogroll

A couple of weeks ago, I received quite a shock. My MSN list appeared a name I’ve not seen online for a long, long, long time.

As I saw the name, I couldn’t help but think of the three years spent together with him in Sydney. It’s been three years. Three years since I last saw him, three years since I last spoke to him, Time, has unknowingly sped by so swiftly.

It is funny how everything has became a blur in my memory especially since I told him the most beautiful period in my life was spent with him after everything ended.

Our final moments were tense; on-and-off days of passion, followed by spiteful cold wars, and then the moments of weakness that made the both of us give up and give in to each other, once again.

Looking back now, I guess I do understand now – I probably didn’t really loved. I now wonder if he, like me, was tired of it all – merely succumbing to sticking to a comfort zone for the sake of avoiding change.

Most probably.

I vaguely remember our violent fights…the nights I try fighting back was useless because I was much smaller size than now then (the endless teary nights caused my appetite to vanish). Thinking about it now, I wish I could go back to that size. But then, happy people don’t lose weight drastically; they do the opposite. *laughs*

I remember how he wanted to keep me, to be with me forever, with the constant claims of I-love-yous. But more often than not, it consisted of him stalking off to do his own thing, becoming close to another girl in the end. A relationship filled with drama and third parties. That was how it was.

And funnily enough, I adamantly refused to give up and continued to stay by his side for three years. And he…kept running back to me throughout the three years.

One day, I decided that it was time to stop being an idiot. The feeling of leaving him wasn’t so hard to deal with anymore. In fact, it was as easy as snapping a twig into two. A weak twig, like this weak relationship.

I think of my past three years without him, I’m happier and more matured. And throughout these three years, neither have I fallen in love with anyone nor took anyone seriously but I know I’ll get there one day.

I see his MSN display picture, he has someone new – a girl who seem to suit his taste so much better. I’m glad he’s getting on with life. I know he had been a total wreck for the first two years since we ended – he finally graduated from university and perhaps, even saving some money (he never saved a penny back then).

Things…are actually better. I never thought I would feel happy to go separate paths from someone I was obsessed over previously. But it is happening. And despite all that had happened, I am actually truly happy for him.

I see it now, I’ve learnt something I knew all along but never ever put to practice. Sometimes, we think we’re only protecting ourselves by fending our own interest. But more often than not, we’re only harming ourselves – we refuse to wake up to reality and continue to live in the past. Most of the time, we’re all only afraid of stepping out of our comfort zone and adapting to change, aren’t we?

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